I Like Smoked Butts and I Cannot Lie.

[Ben et Nate sez]: We like pork. There, we said it. And yes, Nate is a Jew.
But that doesn't mean that he isn't going to put Babe on a spit and roast him till he falls off the bone in a blaze of tender, juicy, porky glory.

So here's the deal: Ben figured out that smoked meat was one of the finest things on sliced bread, and he made this absolutely amazing pork shoulder last year. So when we'd had way too many helpings of sweet sticky rice, and were sick of eating all that perfect, delicious, I'll never-ever get sick of that Thai food, we talked about smoking the eating hell out of a massive piece of pork, and stuffing our faces with it.

So we did. And it was delicious.

Here's what's necessary to experience the quintessential American barbecue:

1. A massive Pork Butt (that's shoulder you perverts)
2. Seven Hours of your life
3. A grill, and some appropriate smoking hardwood.
4. The desire to eat till your sinuses fill up, and your BPFL (Blood Pork Fat Level) exceeds the legal limit of .1 or .08 percent (depends on your local lipid regulations).

This is yet another food (like Ramen Jiro) that elicits the famed heroin reaction. We believe this is caused by a full body pork contact - at the ramen shop, you have to wait for 45 minutes, then slip around a floor covered in grease, and then wipe up your greasy splash with a towel when you're finished. Similarly, you have to lovingly tend to this massive hunk of Babe for 7 freaking hours, and then let it rest for 15 minutes, and then take 30 minutes pulling the bloody thing apart with a couple of forks, and then dressing it, and getting it to the table - all without devouring the entire thing in the process.

It's harder than you think.

So grab a toasted bun, your favorite barbecue sauce, a couple of fresh brews, and splooge yourself sideways. If there's one thing you do this summer, smoke your meat.

Smoke n' Gras - Fatty McFatty Fatlicious

[Ben sez]: While wandering the streets of Portland trying to choose between the myriad of excellent restaurant choices it occurred to me that I really haven't been eating enough butter and fat. I also realized that my level of foie gras intake has been dangerously low as of late and I would be taking a major risk if I continued to live the life of brown rice, black beans, and other "healthy foods" which I have been recklessly engaged in since my return from the Orient. I needed a decadent meal, and fast!

Le Pigeon

For a taste of the fancy side of Portland I found "Le Pigeon" (American pronunciation of pigeon on that) where a culinary school drop-out is using fresh, local, seasonal ingredients to make amazing French-influenced food that is to die for (possibly from a pork fat or duck fat overdose). With a reservation, an empty stomach, and a goal of indulgence I sat down for dinner with Jenny, my guide to all things Portland food and wine.

Foie Gras PB&J

I had checked the menu online before arriving and couldn't decide on an appetizer. This was cured when the menu was placed on our table and I saw "Foie Gras PB&J" at the bottom of the list. I wasn't sure what it meant, but I was pretty sure we had to order it. What came out was two pieces of white bread filled with a foie gras paté, heavily buttered and tossed on a griddle. Lightly browned, this sandwich was placed a top a layer of strawberry-thyme jam and surrounded by crushed peanuts. The creamy pate definitely elevated this above the pb&j that mom used to make (no offense mom), and while the thyme-infusion of the jam was sadly imperceptible to me, I was deeply sad that this sandwich was gone so quickly.

Quail and Foie Gras Ravioli

For my entreé I ordered Quail with Foie Gras Ravioli. These two cute little birds came out stuffed with creamy spinach and currants atop a pair of ravioli filled with more foie gras paté. This dish featured a "deconstructed sauce," oil on the plate mixing with the fat from the foie gras and the cream portion of the spinach, combining their forces to create an excellent sauce for the lightly flavored quail meat.

Swine and Scallops

My partner in culinary crime ordered the "Swine and Scallops," pork jowl and scallops with pearl onions and asparagus in a smoked pork fat hollandaise. I'd never had jowl before, which I now think is a horrible oversight in my life to this point, it was like a cross between thick cut bacon and pork belly. The scallops were great, I'm normally not a huge fan of this particular item, but compared to the saltiness of the pork the scallops tasted sweet, lightening up this otherwise salty, smoky, porky dish. The real magic here however was the hollandaise sauce made with smoked pork fat - oh the glory! In every bite the smokiness and delicious pork fat flavor came through, it might sound excessive, and maybe it is, but a little excess never hurt anybody, right?

Profiteroles with Foie Gras Ice Cream

After having foie gras in the first two courses it seemed like it would be negligent of us to not order it for dessert when presented with the option. Glorious paté a choux puffs sliced open, filled with foie gras ice cream and drizzled with a rich caramel sauce. I don't know how to describe this besides rich, decadent, and delicious. Upon taking the first bite I think my friend temporarily transcended this plane of existence, living for a short while in a dimension of pure, foie gras-induced bliss.

[Nate sez]: Ben told me about this brilliant abomination over the phone. I kicked myself thrice for not having thought of it myself. Not that foie would have made it into a damned ice cream machine if it anywhere near my greedy hands...Speaking of which, I'm going to be late for my cardiology appointment.

Bacon and Apricot Cornbread with Homemade Maple Ice Cream

My dessert of choice combined two of my favorite flavors - bacon and maple. A thick piece of bacon, apricot cornbread topped with a big scoop of homemade maple ice cream with little chunks of bacon scattered around it, all in a pool of maple syrup and bacon fat. The sweet cornbread was balanced by the salty bacon, with an occasional burst of flavor from the chunks of apricot suspended within. It was so amazing that once we had consumed every morsel of cornbread and every drop of ice cream I couldn't keep from licking the plate. As I was dragging my tongue across the bacon-maple residue on the plate the chef stepped over to our table to thank me for my actions, apparently licking the plate is the biggest compliment there is. I don't know why he was thanking me though, I just showed up and ate the amazing food.

The Oregon Trail

[Ben sez]: I am currently wandering through the culinary wonderland of Portland, Oregon. I caulked the wagon and floated across the river to get here, I lost two oxen, and Holly died of cholera, but by god it's been worth it (sorry, I played a lot of "Oregon Trail" in grade school). The food here is definitely great, but thus far the true standout has been the Pinot Noir, and other wines, which I have had the chance to taste while touring wineries and getting a crash course from my friend.

Pork and Pinot

I lost count, but I think I've been to at least 8 different wineries in the week I've been here, and that was mostly in one afternoon. I've tasted more Pinot Noir's than in the rest of my wine drinking life prior to this week, and it's been a fantastic time. These wines run the gamut from luscious and fruity to deep, earthy, even tabacco-like in flavor, subtle, complex - truly amazing.

Thus far my favorites have been Ponzi Vineyard's 2005 Willamette Valley Pinot, the St. Innocent White Rose 2005 and the Stoller 2005 JV Pinot Noir. They are all obviously young wines, but each completely drinkable right now, and will probably only get better if I have the patience to not drink the bottles that I've bought as soon as I get home.

For those of you who glaze over when people start waxing intellectual about wine, the Portland area has more to offer than just phenomenal Pinot Noir. After my day of laying siege to tasting rooms in the area I stopped at the Dundee Bistro located in Dundee, Oregon (shocking, I know) right across the street from Argyle Winery (makers of great sparkling wines).

Every Wednesday the head chef has a special "Pork and Pinot" menu featuring three courses of pork-centric glory and an optional pairing of Pinot Noirs.

The first course was a hearty tube pasta (1" diameter tubes cut into 1/2" sections) in a hearty smoked pork shoulder red sauce topped with a piece of summer squash. You may not know this, but I have a real thing for smoked pork shoulder, it might be one of my favorite foods ever.. hell, the first time I cooked it I had a heroin-like reaction and ended up curled up in the fetal position outside shivering with need, jonesin' for a THIRD sandwich, but I digress.... The fresh pasta was thick enough to stand up to the smoky pork flavor. Honestly if fresh pasta and smoked pork shoulder sauce doesn't make you a little weak in the knees you might want to make sure you're alive.

Pork'n'pinot part two featured roasted pork tenderloin on top of a mix of roasted potatoes, local mushrooms, and applewood smoked bacon, all in a pork stock. A little lighter than the first course, the tenderloin was juicy and flavorful, but really I think the vegetables underneath almost overshadowed it. The mixture of meaty mushrooms, sweetness of caramelized potato, all tied together with the magical culinary glue that is bacon fat and tossed with green onions and parsley.

Round Three continued to buck the general trend of serving courses lightest to heaviest via a light salad served on top of thinly sliced artisinal salami topped with ripe avocado. A refreshing end to the meal with the pepper and spice of the salami blending well with the vinaigrette and the bright, voluptuous taste of the avocado.

[Nate sez]: Avocados really are voluptuous aren't they? So soft and round... and well, fatty, but "voluptuous" sounds a lot better I think..

Add three glasses of Pinot Noir to that meal and you've got a guaranteed good evening in just about anyone's book (assuming the owner of said book eats pork).

My food/wine chaperon for this adventure had the Duck Confit which was the best example of said dish that I have ever experienced. Deep smokey flavor, duck meat so tender it falls off the bone if you so much as look at it, and of course a liberal amount of juicy duck fat. Oh Daffy, you taste so good...

I have some more things to eat during my remaining time here (anyone heard of Voodoo Doughnuts?) so you can expect to hear from me again sometime soon. If I disappear forever it's likely that I'm hiding in the hills of Portland with a bottle of Pinot and/or a dozen doughnuts.

Ben et Nate: The Book?

[Nate sez]: 8 countries, 6 long plane rides, countless hours of attempted zen enlightenment on bus rides, and more noodles than is legal in an average lifetime. That's right everybody - the epic adventure across most of the eastern nations of the culinary mecca that is Asia is coming to an over-designed, self published coffee table book near you.

Ben and I sat around arguing many a Tuesday night about what to blog. We generally had a massive abundance of absolutely fantastic new flavors and dishes we wanted to talk about, but alas, a blog should not be too wordy or long. So we decided to write an entire book about it... and risk a crap load of our own money to do it too!! Imagine our blog, with much more detailed information and sensory analysis, more stories of being practically killed on sidewalks, more righteous rants about Thai mangoes, and 10 ways to get revenge on Tuk-Tuk drivers. We'll also include tons of appetite inspiring food porn photos and hunky, flattering portraits of Ben and myself.

It is tentatively scheduled to be released December 2007 - January 2008. I give it about a 90% confidence interval that we will succeed in publishing by this time, but I make no promises. We do however promise to keep you all religiously updated about the progress of the book, and to keep you entertained in the meantime.

This blog will continue to exist as long as Ben et Nate are eating, drinking, and being jackasses. Instead of focusing exclusively on the Asian cuisine paradigm, we will explore the incredible world around us, searching out the best noodles, the best wine, and expose the biggest food crimes being committed in the name of a profit motive.

One thing we both realized coming back to America is that there is no other place in the world (with the blinding exception of Tokyo) where such variety and ingenuity exists in the world of cuisine. The American school of cooking knows no boundaries, and we intend to share with you the secret hideouts of killer food/bev adventures. Ben will be tackling Portland, Oregon in the coming weeks while Nate researches the depths of the Chicago chef scene and tries to eat in New York without taking out a second mortgage. We'll reconvene in the great Twin Cities to rally up a thoroughly incomplete survey of the current state of US food culture.

Deliciousness is sure to follow.